Unsolicited Advice, Poaching, and Encroaching

A little fringe talk about my pet peeve of unsolicited advice from unsolicited advisors.


(As an aside, they funny thing is that the ones this essay refers will not see themselves at all!)

In case you ever find yourself in the position of being a "project" or protege' for which some other superior one (or two) who both think it would be grand to tweak your life...and tweak the way you do things ... when you don't even want to know their opinions!! Okay, so these people are clearly helpful and bright, but they want to make you into a better you, a more polished professional. Soon, you find yourself a self-appointed "mentor's" project to repair and correct.

And, you ain't even broke! But, they are ("broke") in my assessment of things, and that's another essay for another day.

I get this kind of "help" all the time. It's more fun to tell another how to do something rather than look at one's own personal conflicts and business difficulties and figure out how to correct them.

I just blow these blow-hards out of my thoughts until the next time they lure me in with their intelligence, tidbits of good information (which may or may not be true) and the niceties they use to get your attention.

Within a twinkling of an eye, the direction changes and they start to tell me what a unsophisticated bumbling notary I am...in nice words...of course, always being helpful...just making suggestions, you see.

Turn the volume way down on the toxic unsolicited advisors in your real world. What they say about your business is about 50% worth considering, and 50% of it is of no consequence and simply part of their negative and critical nature of needing to be superior. (Expect advice here - posting is almost like asking for advice.) If they are not in your region, they don't know their rear from third base about most of what they criticize.

If you love your life and if you have great ideas that keep you motivated and you are the type who is content and happy with your life, here is a weird little bulletin: Unsolicited advisors cannot stand to see another person so carefree.

The sticky sweet venomous wisdom flows out from them to you under the guise of trying to help improve you. (Help improve what??)

They want to guide you out of your country mouse ignorance and uneducated ways ...they want to help you not look so unprofessional because they think so much of you. If only you'd do as they said, you'd be dy-no-mite!

• Their kindly comments are always couched in nice fake compliments. They'll give you those backhanded compliments about how you have improved SO MUCH since back when you were so stupid and inept at doing a, b or c.

And, their dialogue is superior in tone and purposefully delivered to you as the great advisor so they can build their own egos ---they have their agenda of being Superior Mentor and Wise Friend to you, the Project Reject. They always criticize your TRUE mentors.

Mention a true mentor's name and they are quick to hiss and tell you how much your real mentors brag or lie on the notary boards.

Tell these people you don't agree with them and be very clear. While they are stunned at you rejecting their brilliance, move away quickly hissing as they go. They will be shocked, but mark my words, the advice will continue to flow forth at every opportunity. Don't let them have too much of your time. They will dominate it if at all possible.

You just paddle your own boat with confidence and have a plan. Ignore them.

I have received MUCH of this type of advice because I usually let their drops of pseudo-wisdom roll off me like water off of a duck's back.

However, each and every one of them really thought that I'd continue to listen to their unsolicited and petty criticisms and suggestions. Now, that is funny and so not going to happen!

You should not let these types get your undivided attention either.

It amazed me when I got enough exposure on the notary board, a few zeroed in on me as a poor Texas BillyBobbette waif who needed to be overhauled and tutored. They called me stupid names of endearment...both the male and the female ones.

BULLCORN. This here 'un hillbilly is pretty comfortable in her own skin. They are the ones who are not content and at peace with their lives.

At first they seemed pretty insightful and to be nifty and funny. But it never stopped! I let them take an inch and they wanted a mile of my time to give me a makeover ala them.

Then, I began to wonder why a near stranger aka self-appointed expert on being me would give a rat's tail?

I don't give a flip about what they do in their lives any further than networking with them professionally.

Initially, these arrogant individuals each emailed me to tell me they thought my website was not as professional as it should be...or, perhaps I needed to get an editor for my content...or I should not put certain pages in my site because I was making competition for myself...and, I needed this or that...or that I did this, or that wrong...ALL UNSOLICITED.

Hogwash to you Superior Advisors! My website is a worker. It's great for getting me jobs. You can find me on google.com by putting in "notary and brazos county" because I am at the TOP.

They are not. The website they said was hard to read and not professional brings me LOTS of business...and, isn't that what counts when you get right down to it?

If I would have asked them to give me pointers, I would have expected a truthful answer. I do things for MY purposes and enjoyment...not for them to improve upon.

I decorate my own soul and I create my own happiness. I don't think they can do either. I see their souls with bare walls...they speak little or none about a God that is actually in existence. To me this says much. God does exist and he has fertilized my efforts of being a contented person who wants to exist in peace and serenity. These people make me feel chaotic and not at peace. I can see they are missing the benefits of having a Holy God as their constant companion.

Too much of these people and you'll implode. They will suck you dry as they try to fill their own voids.

While they are the parasite and you are the life-sustaining host for them, be aware of this: you will ironically receive an exhaustive set of comments on your shortcomings while they slurp and greedily suck out your stuffings, then gently break the news to you (in between nibbles) that you are a bumbling idiot and you need to have a pro (meaning them) edit your ways and advise you about any number of things about your life and business.

And, to this I giggle a teeny-bopper's "um, no!"


Don't give them many details. The more they know, the more they see to fix. The more they find to encroach upon...the more they try to poach that which is you.

They will glean all they can from you to give you more advisories to redeem yourself to their superior level.

The sad thing is that if they'd just "be," they would be delightful friends and I would love them! But, no...they must correct, critique and alter everything about those they want to mentor into acceptable standards. They must be the worshiped mentor of your life...they must be your sage, and your guru.

Talk about a high maintenance relationship! It's so thick it weighs you down like a cat sleeping on your chest.

So, folks...identify them and don't let them get too close. Realize they have no respect for your boundaries...they are encroachers and poachers.

Be confident that YOU know the best for YOU and YOUR business. The notary world is full of people looking for someone to drain of their joy. They are lying little parasites...emotional vampires and this makes you feel like every "friendly" conversation is a battle.

They nay say and you try to explain! Don't do it any more...explain nothing....the argument is futile. They cannot be a regular friend, they must be your superior. Say goodbye!

I hope this helps a few people down the road realize who and what this personality is. They are subtle and sly.

I can spot them now and deal with them on my terms before they get TOO involved in my days.

And, if you feel inclined to edit this post or send me a list of spelling and/or grammar corrections, maybe you need to wake up and realize this essay is all about you.

I am too tired and too sick of your critical natures to issue an explanation. I won't and I will not discuss this with you. However, I wish you'd find another source of attention and ego stroking. I am weary of you.